when to let go

you were everything to me

A beacon , an aspiration

You made me feel like I was on the side of righteousness-

Your superior strength and grace / an athletic Greek ideal,

only with a savage enjoyment that you took in the cries of the bested -

it was part of who you were -

you saw poetry in their

Punishments

and I winced at hints of cruelty-

Eventually ,I had begun to notice

Anomalies ; stories that did not fit the narrative you promoted to me, but

maybe I just missed something -

-like I came in late to the lecture, and didnt get a key

detail , that would’ve put your actions in the proper context..

These punks just don’t understand who they’re dealing with-

but the truth is ; it was I / who was traveling blind -

I was the one living in the doctored history-

You had all the edge with me , all the benefit of the doubt -

Now, you’re all the doubt, with nothing of benefit -

It seems important to my cause now , that you understand

What has happened here -

Your facade / the bully boy strongman and righteous avatar of my youth ,

was really just another bully / running scared

on feet of clay -

Understand ,

I take no pleasure in this revelation

You were what I believed in

And now

So much that I never wanted to see / that just couldnt be true

has to be picked through / if Im to salvage any of the good you were..

The yawning canyon of bullshit stories, some of them the very basis of my beliefs -

Stretches from here , through to my early childhood, and poised as it was

on this very precipice of belief in your integrity / and solely that

And so -

bolted to nothing substantial-

All that trust,

fell into the sinkhole that opened up -

Into such an enormous nothing / Im still feeling my way along the walls

To get back to the beginning / to some pinprick of light

I could navigate by -

My rage at you / is nearly dwarfed by my sorrow

But I will not let your damnation be mine, as well-

I have so much ground to cover before it gets dark,

I will leave you to sort yourself out

You set this fire, you can stay here and watch it burn-

Myself ,

I will use the light that remains

to find my way back home